One Day at a Time

Well, it's been a few days since I wrote something so I figured that today would be a good day. My last post was one of sadness but hope. This weekend I attended my best friend Cassie's baby shower. When I got the invitation I was apprehensive about going because of everything that has been going on in the last month or so. I finally just decided to go. I couldn't miss my best friends first baby shower. We've been friends for 13 years and I didn't want to let her down. When the morning of the shower came, my mom asked how I was doing and I was actually ok. It was the drive there that got me. I talked to my mom like nothing was wrong, but secretly I dreaded seeing her. Her pregnant belly would be the first thing I saw and I knew that I would be saddened by it. But when I got there and saw her for the first time in months, I couldn't help but see how beautiful she was, let alone the happiest I ever saw her. She was glowing. I was so happy for her that the pain of our loss seemed to subside. It was kind of a type of therapy for me to see her open her presents and eat cake and sandwiches with no worry in the world. God coaxed me to go so that I could come to terms with what happened. And he used my dearest friend to help me.

The loss of one I never met

A month ago my husband and I found out we were pregnant. A few weeks ago, we lost it. I don't think I have felt so empty. The past few weeks have been a blurr. It seems like I am just going with the flow so as to not have to deal with the sadness I feel. I put a smile on my face every day but catch myself wanting to cry every time I see a baby. I am sad and have cried more in the past two months than I have in the past eight years I have been married. I can't believe I can miss some one so much and I never even laid eyes on them. Even though I was only pregnant for a few weeks, I still feel like a piece of me is gone. I wonder what he or she would have looked like or what their first words would have been. And I know that God never puts us through more than we can bear, but I wonder if he is pushing me to the limit to test me. I have not once blamed God for anything that has happened. I love God and know that he is watching over me and this only occurred because it was his plan for me. Perhaps this will make me stronger. I hope so. As for my husband, he hides his emotions well. I have not seen him cry since finding out but know that he is hurting. He was so excited. I hardly see him now-a-days because he works such long hours, but I know when we are together that he still feels pain over the loss of the baby too. He is a strong man and I know that he maintains his bearing so that he can be a pillar for me to hold onto. And I love him for that. He is my support and I don't think I could have done this without him. I know that we will move on and have children one day. And I will be happy and we will both be the best parents we can be. But I also know that I will always think of the baby that I never got to meet here on earth but will one day meet in Heaven.

First time for everything

Well, this is my first blog and I am super excited. My friend Krista suggested I should start one and it took me a while but here I am. I never much thought about writing a blog because I don't really think that my life is so interesting that people would take time out of there day to read about it. But I am going to give it a try and I hope that I at least keep the interest, if only for a minute, and possibly cause a laugh or two. So thanks and happy reading!!!

Miranda